If you read any amount of news you have
probably heard about cyberbullying. It is the form of bullying
through social networks, cell phones and text messages that drives
teens to depression and, in the drastic cases that make the news,
suicide.
As a mother of two grade school
children I hear a lot about bullying. It is a very hot topic these
days. Heck, one of my daughters has bullying prevention as her top
goal now that she is on student council. This is a good thing. I
think it is wonderful that we as a society have decided to start
treating other human beings better at a young age. Teaching our
children compassion and how to peacefully resolve differences is
invaluable in the global information age they will be living in the
rest of their lives.
There is a problem that still exists
though. It is a problem that is getting no attention. If you do a
quick google search for cyberbullying, the first several links all give a definition of cyberbullying as
relating to adolescents and children. But one quick look at my
Facebook news feed and it is apparent that the problem goes much
deeper or, to be more accurate, older.
Clearly my generation missed the memo. Even though we are not on the playground, there are still plenty of bullies out there. You may not notice, but many of them are on my friends list and I bet if you look closer they are on yours too.
Clearly my generation missed the memo. Even though we are not on the playground, there are still plenty of bullies out there. You may not notice, but many of them are on my friends list and I bet if you look closer they are on yours too.
I noticed this trend because in the
past week I have been a victim of this passive aggressive form of
bullying. Thanks to my Facebook “friends” I now know that I
should feel bad about my new iPhone, my job status, my love of
football, my social life, my political preferences and the way I am
raising my kids. I have been informed that I am a bad person for
posting about these things when I should be more concerned with mass
shootings, the political climate and kids starving in Africa (though
I think we should probably worry more about kids starving in
America.)
While I rationally know that what
other people think of me does not matter, it would be a lie to say
that it doesn't sting a little to be accused of not caring about
anything but my iPhone. Looking at my facebook statuses though, that
is what I put out there. I don't want to burden every acquaintance on
facebook about the terrors and misery in the world. People know those
things, they watch or read the news. It is not insensitive of me to
be excited about watching football when others are struggling. I
assume if people are my facebook friends it is because they want to
know a little bit about what makes me happy, keeps me ticking or
makes me laugh.
This putting down of others seems to
be very common. I think the reason is most people see Facebook as a
place to share every little thought that goes through their minds. I
can accept that we see things differently, but if you are a constant
bullying energy, I am hiding your posts or unfriending you.
So when do things go from sharing your
feelings to bullying? It is very simple. Let me give you an example.
I had one friend a few weeks ago that thought the first Sunday of
football was frivolous when the country is facing a tumultuous
political time.
This could be shared in a personal way:
“I just can't get excited about football because I find the
political challenges our country is facing too distracting.”
See how that is just about you? I like
to read that because I learn a little about your thoughts and
feelings and even though they are different than mine, I am happy to
read it.
Or you can share in a bullying way: “I
think it is disgusting that people want to watch football when there
are bigger issues to worry about.”
With that second post you just
attacked every one of your Facebook friends that does like football.
Whether you meant to or not, you just made a flicker of guilt cross
their minds. You placed yourself as being better than them and even
if it was fleeting, they felt worse than you. That is bullying.
Making yourself feel better by making others feel worse.
We get very caught up in free speech,
but it is very easy to hurt others along the way. I put a lot of
effort into sending positive energy out on my Facebook page. I think
it is far better to post a shallow, “I love my iPhone!” status
than to post, “I hate people who...” I encourage you to start
thinking before you post. Are you saying something in a way that is
meant to hurt people with different opinions? Then fix before you
hit send. It is awfully hard to teach our children kindness, empathy
and friendship when we as adults are spending our social media time
insulting each other!
