Moving Forward In Aurora

This post is less political. I just wanted to write my way through my thoughts and feelings as the reopening of the Century 16 movie theater is imminent. I hope that reading this encourages you to explore your own thoughts regarding fear, family, grief, anger and forgiveness. I hope you take some time to share those thoughts with the people in your life.

I grew up in Aurora, Colorado. Even after reaching adulthood, I gravitated back and chose Aurora to raise my family. Sadly, I have seen my hometown all over the national news this year, and not for the right reasons.

As the sun was rising on my daughter's 7th birthday, my phone buzzed. I rolled my eyes because my sister worked overnights and would occasionally text on her lunch break at work, which was still an hour or two before I wake. I fumbled in the dim light of dawn to find that the text was not from her. It was from a friend. All it said was, "You guys weren't there, were you?" Confused, I roused my self from sleep and turned on my laptop. It was that moment that I learned that my neighbors, my city and my fellow human beings had been through hell as I slept. By now we all know the details. I won't rehash them here. I assured my friend that we were ok. I took to social media to check on the well-being of others. My friends are movie people, my friends are superhero people, my friends are midnight showing people. A quick look at social media showed me that the usual suspects all seemed to be accounted for. Next my thoughts turned to the hour in front of me. My children would be bouncing into the room any minute, and finding mommy in tears would definitely raise questions. I woke my husband, updated him on the news and we figured out what to do.

When the girls came in, we celebrated a birthday! We had a breakfast picnic on mommy's bed and had a few minutes of normalcy. Then it was time to tell the girls what happened. The girls were heading to a summer program in a theater (performance, not movie) and we knew that with them surrounded by young tweens and teens they were going to hear about the events. We decided that our best angle was to tell them as honestly as possible. Of course we left many details out, we kept it pretty basic. It went something like, "There was a bad man who shot lots of people. Everyone we know is safe (though that didn't turn out to be entirely true.) You are safe. Mommy and Daddy just wanted to talk to you before you were blindsided at your summer program." And we held them. And we answered their questions.  And we all cried.

One of my favorite activities before kids was catching midnight premieres of movies. My husband and I have seen many at the Century 16, having had various friends that worked there over the years. The excitement of a midnight show, as you wait too long in line with other movie geeks and wedge into seats shoulder to shoulder is a unique experience. I do think my enjoyment of future midnight movies has been affected. I can't see sitting through a midnight showing without being distracted by thoughts of July 20, 2012.

We did go back to the movies as quick as we could after the events. It seems to have worked at stemming the fear of movies for both me and my children. We plan to return to the Century as it reopens. It will be sad, it will be stressful to walk through those doors for the first time. To know we are standing were so much sadness and horror took place. But good will prevail. We will show the world what Aurora is made of. We will show that life goes on. We will find joy with other movie patrons. We will remember our innocent neighbors so violently torn from our society. We will send love to the injured and the families and our other neighbors that are grieving. We will carry on. We will come together to show that we are more resilient, connected, and compassionate than we were before.

Get vaccinated.

So this blog started with me coming across this news story: http://tinyurl.com/a24znvb Go read it before proceeding. I know there are many bloggers that write about this topic endlessly, but today I want to. So here goes. Remember, I am not a doctor, so I will lead you to quite a few links as we proceed!

I do not understand how any educated person can be anti-vaccinations. To be anti-vaccinations, you have to be anti-all-modern-medicine.  If you believe that medicine can cure your ills, then why don’t you believe in letting medicine prevent them? Like with many of my previous posts, I think this blog will be more structured if I approach it by writing direct responses to common claims I have heard on the issue.

“Vaccinations cause autism.”

I thought we were past this, but then I found out that vaccinations were brought up for discussion just a few weeks ago when they had a congressional hearing about the government’s response to rising autism numbers. This idea first became popular after a report published in a medical journal in 1998 by Andrew Wakefield. It has since come out that, beyond being incorrect, the data and information in the article was completely falsified. Unfortunately, by the time this news came out, the myth had spread far and wide thanks to the help of some very vocal celebrities. There is no scientific evidence to show that vaccines cause autism. I firmly believe our rising autism numbers are a result of increased knowledge and diagnosis. This is a good thing. It enables medicical professionals to learn more about treating autism. There has been enough time spent on testing if there is a link in vaccinations. Let’s start spending time and money on other resources for autism. Oh, and in the meantime, get vaccinated.

“The diseases vaccination treats aren’t around anymore.”

You know why? Because we vaccinate people! The diseases are around, but the reason none of your friends have caught the measles is because they were vaccinated. There are also people that claim measles was on the decline before vaccinations. Even if this is the case, those statistics can be explained by natural decline of cases, and increased knowledge about sanitization and the general spread of disease. The steady decline is a good thing, but then we found a way to keep everyone from getting it. It was called a vaccine!  Please read this report from the WHO: http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs286/en/ you will see that by increasing immunization efforts in low-income countries, there has been a 74% drop in measles between 2000 and 2010. That is a staggering number to me. Clearly the vaccine works. That we as Americans choose to not vaccinate when so many want for the vaccine is as stupid to me as the way we waste drinkable water to do things like wash our cars. Someone from an under-developed country would not be able to comprehend it. So get vaccinated.

“My parents had [fill in disease here] and they survived.”

Mine too. But how many didn’t? Do you buckle your seat belt when you get in the car? When my parents started driving they didn’t even have seatbelts. And yes, they survived. But I still don’t put my car into drive without buckling mine. Can I still die in a car wreck? Absolutely. Am I going to die from being ejected from my vehicle in an otherwise low risk accident? Most likely not! No, these diseases aren’t always fatal, and there are still many other things I can catch that will kill me. But if I can reduce the ailments on that list, I am going to take every precaution I can. Get vaccinated.

”It doesn’t feel natural to inject something like that into my body.”

Does it feel natural to take a little pill and have your bronchitis disappear? Does it feel natural to have a doctor cut you open and take out or repair whatever is ailing you? Where is the line between what should normally happen and unnatural? How do you draw this line? I like to think that medicine is a gift, it can cure me and it can prevent disease. Yay medicine! Get vaccinated.

“I am against the flu shot, but I support other vaccinations.”

This sentence makes absolutely no sense, yet I could dedicate an entire blog to this one argument. A flu vaccination is like any other vaccination. You do not get it every year because it is less effective. You get it every year because there is a new version to combat the ever changing strains of flu. There is nothing dangerous added to the flu vaccine. Like every other vaccination and medication on the planet, they are constantly working to ensure they are as safe as can be. There is another entire list of arguments about this one vaccine alone. If you check this link, many of the flu shot arguments I have heard are addressed: http://www.webmd.com/cold-and-flu/features/top-13-flu-myths  Like I have said once or twice before, get vaccinated!

“Why are you bugging me? The choices I make for my kids don’t affect you.”

You are right, most of the choices you make for your kids don’t affect me. This one does though. This is because I have many people in my life that are not protected from these easily preventable diseases. Not because of their own decisions, but because they cannot get vaccinated due to something out of their control (immune system problems, too young, allergies to eggs in the flu vaccine, etc.) I know it is not your problem if my mom fighting cancer gets the flu, or if my friend’s babies catch whooping cough, but it is my problem because I care about these people. I want you to give it consideration too. Your kid might miss a week of school with whooping cough, but a baby they get too close to in the grocery store might end up in the NICU. So for the sake of our babies, get vaccinated!

Ok, that last line was a little heavy handed. It is how I feel though! I hope that at least one of these points has spoken to you, or given you the words you need to speak to someone around you that is against vaccinations. Please encourage your friends to re-examine their views. Remember that this includes people that are against flu vaccines. With the way flu changes we will probably not be able to take a strong, permanent stand against it as we have measles, smallpox and polio, but isn’t it worth doing everything we can for those that are susceptible? I know it is hard to save the world. Let’s start by saving one person at a time. Get vaccinated.

Where do we go from here?

I wrote Friday's blog on Thursday, when the Governor of Colorado had made a statement about gun control. I posted it early Friday, having no idea of the events unfolding in Connecticut. Soon after I shared my post on Facebook, the news broke and people began to attack me for making a political statement in the face of tragedy.

As a parent, teacher and human being I can assure you I am not insensitive in the face of tragedy. I, like so many, broke down in tears countless times. I fought the urge to run into my daughters' school and just hold them as tight as possible. I almost threw my phone across the room when I got the update on the death toll. This tragedy strikes us where we are most innocent and vulnerable. To intentionally strike down children is monstrous and we as a society cannot allow ourselves to be complacent. 

I do not know one person who does not have strong feelings about the events in Connecticut. We all want to see anything done to prevent this sort of thing. Many have called for tighter gun regulation. If you read my previous post you will see I agree. Many others have posted variations of, "Gun control has nothing to do with the issue. The only issue is the lack of mental health care in this country." If you remove the first sentence, and replace "the only issue" with "One of the issues," I completely agree.

I do not know much about this situation. It is so hard for me to process and comprehend I am only allowing myself to read a news report every four hours. Also details about the life of the shooter are slow to come in. Hopefully this is to prevent the glorification of him in the media. However, one thing that has come up in several reports is that it appears the gunman has a history of mental health problems. Possibly he has been previously diagnosed with some sort of personality disorder. To anyone with basic reading comprehension, that means he has likely, at some point, received mental healthcare. Also, from my understanding, James Holmes was also receiving mental health care in the weeks preceding his rampage at the Century 16. This means that these men had access to help. And maybe it wasn't enough. And maybe people missed warning signs. Unfortunately I think it is impossible to ignore that they also had access to guns.

The stigma associated with mental health and the care available are both things the country should address. I wish there was a Planned Parenthood style center on every corner where people get the help they need. I am inclined to think this would stem a number of tragedies. It could help prevent everything from drunk driving to domestic violence to tragedies like this. I think we also need a campaign to reduce the associated stigma so that people will get the help they need. 

Lets venture back to Friday's blog where I recommended a good first step in gun control would be some sort of license and regulation. Let's make an annual visit with a mental health care professional part of the plan. If you miss your visit or fail to take any measure prescribed by your professional (more meetings, medications, etc.) then you lose your ability to own firearms.

We, as Americans should know by now that almost no major issues are black and white. If they were we wouldn't have war protests, we wouldn't still be bickering about abortion each election cycle and the talking mouth pundits on cable news would all be out of jobs. We cannot ignore either issue in this fight to regain our country. We need to make societal advances on both fronts to build a healthier America. 

Stepping into the debate on gun control

I have wanted to write about this issue for a long time. I had convinced myself it wasn't worth the debate. It would make people too emotional. I feel though that the time has come, and I want to share my feelings.

Today I found myself in a unique situation. I opened up the handy local news app on my phone and saw that the leading politician in my state had the same opinion as me. Governor Hickenlooper not only stated that the legislature should discuss gun control laws, but he indicated that it was the perfect time for this discussion. As one of the people I follow on twitter posted, “@MarkReiley Woman beaten? Let’s talk domestic violence laws. Terrorist attack? Let’s talk terrorism laws. Shot by a gun? How DARE you bring up gun laws.” This seems to be the attitude that gun lobbyists have held for some time. If a major shooting has recently happened we should be worried for the victims healing. If there hasn't been a shooting for a while, then there is no need to discuss it. Somewhere we must find a middle ground.

I have not always had a strong opinion on gun control. I knew owning a weapon wasn't for me, but I accepted that it was people's right to own them. It never affected my nice little suburban bubble. My new feelings were forever altered when I had to start my daughter's 7^th birthday out by telling her what had happened at the movie theater we had been to twice in the preceding two weeks. Seeing the effects on the community, knowing people who were there, being close to so many people who knew the deceased, it can't help but mold and solidify my feelings on gun control.

As a country, change of any kind will be a struggle. The saying that you can't turn the Titanic around is exceptionally relevant to this debate. There are so many guns in the hands of so many people we cannot hope to change the country overnight. But I am inclined to think that we as a nation have already hit the iceberg and we have to do everything we can to preserve life from here on out.

It is unreasonable to think that legislation at any level would attempt something like banning guns. I would just like to see a little more regulation. How is it that one man can purchase multiple assault weapons and more ammo than anyone would need in a lifetime, and nobody cares until he barges into a midnight showing of a hit film and takes 12 innocent lives? Fine. It is your right to own guns. It is in the Constitution (and it's not like we have ever changed that...27 times...or the fact that your right to bear arms is one of these changes...) but I think it is our responsibility as a society to see how people are exercising that right. Fine, have a gun for hunting. But why do you need 5 handguns when you live in suburbia?

I have decided that this post will be most effective if I put out some of the opposing arguments I have heard and address them individually.

“It is one of our Constitutional rights.”

When this was added to the Constitution, a gun was a musket and took minutes to load even a single shot. Do you really think that if there was a semi-automatic rifle that could use a 100 drum magazine that the founding fathers would have wanted those in the hands of anyone with money? I truly cannot accept that we as a society have become so desensitized to the danger of these weapons that we not only allow anybody to own them, we defend their right to own them. I have no doubt that there are people out there who still see no problem with James Holmes owning such weapons, the unfortunate part is just how he used them. That is ridiculous. Why would anyone own such a weapon if they didn't somewhere, in the back of their mind, have an idea that they may use it?

“Guns don't kill people, people kill people.”

Another variation on this is, “We don't need to regulate guns, we need to teach our children to respect life.” Ok, fine. Instead of regulating guns, our government can release a curriculum for raising our children that all parents MUST follow. That will go over really well. Seems to me it is a little easier to monitor the weapons.

“More people die from other types of violent crime.”

First off let me say I have not been able to find solid statistics to support or refute this statement. There is such plethora of biased and false information on the internet it is hard for me to analyze within a few hours while studying from home. What I do know is we are not facing an outbreak of mass strangulations in our public places. Yes, when Jevon Belcher snapped, the outcome for his victim would likely have been the same. But when you look at the scale of something like the Century 16 attack, how can you say loose gun regulation is not a factor? We cannot stop some forms of violent crime, but it is absurd and irresponsible that we make no attempt to control factors we can change.

So for all of my loud mouth opinions, you'd probably like to know what I want to see happen. I do understand that we cannot take all guns off the streets. Anyone who believes so is delusional. Here is a first step that I think is feasible: I will give you your right to own guns. But I think the government has a right to pay attention to which ones you own and why. I need a license to drive a car. I have to pass a test. I have to get insurance. And the government can take my license away if I show myself to be irresponsible on the road. So let's make it the same for a gun. If you want a gun, you have to get licensed. Not just for concealed weapons, for any weapons. They can check up on you. If you weapon is not stored properly, cared for properly or accounted for properly, you can lose your license and your gun. This small bit of regulation would go a long way to allowing responsible, law abiding citizens to own guns, while weeding out some of the less responsible people. I think the next step is the banning of assault weapons. There is no reason for anyone to own them beyond “because I can.”

I know this is a hot-button issue, and I know for many people my opinion on it might be a dealbreaker in our continued friendship. But if people do not state what they believe in then we will continue on in unhappiness, frustration and fear. It is your right to disagree with me, and I respect that. However, if you think you can change my mind on this overnight, just remember, it is hard to turn the Titanic around.

The Morning After

Well, it is the morning after. If you know me at all you can probably guess that I am happy with the results of last night's election. Aside from the presidential race, I saw several women elected to congress including the first open lesbian. I saw equality spread to more citizens, it is a slow journey, but it is moving. On a local level I saw schools get much needed money for improvements. And believe it or not, while I fear more stonewalling, I am kind of glad that the House remained Republican and the Senate Democratic. I think when they are different we have more opportunity to find solutions that will help a broader spectrum of Americans.

Unfortunately happiness is not what has driven me to blog on this sunny Colorado morning. I woke up to check out my Facebook feed and I am enraged!

There are people I have kept on as friends for years despite a difference of opinion. Throughout the election, I even followed what they had to say on the chance they might be able to influence me. But with all the doomsday and disaster talk, veiled racism, desperate sorrow for our country and downright anger I am seeing today, I think it is time to start unfriending. The election is done. Now is the time to come together. Those of you who want to move to Canada, go for it. The comments of "I won't support Obama even if he is the President" and "I don't care what happens as long as he fails," are exactly what is ruining this country.

I fear what these people are teaching their children. As an adult I am not sure what I thought of President Reagan or President Bush, but through a child's eyes, they were heroes. The President had the most powerful position in the world and there was nothing cooler. Now we are teaching our kids that they need a permission slip every time the President speaks and it will be on TV at school. We are getting mad at teachers because they ask students to sing a song for the president. Sorry parents, it is not religion. It is the government of our country and we all share it. The more our kids know the better. The more respect they have for those in power, the better. Please don't tell your kids it is the end of the world because the other guy won. Remember, respect does not mean following blindly. Teach them to think on why they agree or disagree, but be respectful.

Instead of bitching and moaning on facebook, write to your congressman when there is legislation you care about. Go do something. I have been inspired by a friend who intends to call our local house representative every week. Will it make a difference? Who knows. But it is a step towards being involved more than once every four years. I suppose if you only pay attention every four years it does make this blow more crushing.

If the election had gone the other way, I had my post ready. I thought long and hard about it. I was going to write, "While that didn't go as I had hoped, I hope that President Romney can lead America in the right direction, and try to bring cooperation between all members of congress." and this morning I can make one edit and say the same thing for President Obama. "I hope that President Obama can lead America in the right direction, and try to bring cooperation between all members of congress.”

The unfriending of me may now commence!

Cyberbullying: Not Just for Teens Anymore!

If you read any amount of news you have probably heard about cyberbullying. It is the form of bullying through social networks, cell phones and text messages that drives teens to depression and, in the drastic cases that make the news, suicide.

As a mother of two grade school children I hear a lot about bullying. It is a very hot topic these days. Heck, one of my daughters has bullying prevention as her top goal now that she is on student council. This is a good thing. I think it is wonderful that we as a society have decided to start treating other human beings better at a young age. Teaching our children compassion and how to peacefully resolve differences is invaluable in the global information age they will be living in the rest of their lives.

There is a problem that still exists though. It is a problem that is getting no attention. If you do a quick google search for cyberbullying, the first several links all give a definition of cyberbullying as relating to adolescents and children. But one quick look at my Facebook news feed and it is apparent that the problem goes much deeper or, to be more accurate, older.

Clearly my generation missed the memo. Even though we are not on the playground, there are still plenty of bullies out there. You may not notice, but many of them are on my friends list and I bet if you look closer they are on yours too.

I noticed this trend because in the past week I have been a victim of this passive aggressive form of bullying. Thanks to my Facebook “friends” I now know that I should feel bad about my new iPhone, my job status, my love of football, my social life, my political preferences and the way I am raising my kids. I have been informed that I am a bad person for posting about these things when I should be more concerned with mass shootings, the political climate and kids starving in Africa (though I think we should probably worry more about kids starving in America.)

While I rationally know that what other people think of me does not matter, it would be a lie to say that it doesn't sting a little to be accused of not caring about anything but my iPhone. Looking at my facebook statuses though, that is what I put out there. I don't want to burden every acquaintance on facebook about the terrors and misery in the world. People know those things, they watch or read the news. It is not insensitive of me to be excited about watching football when others are struggling. I assume if people are my facebook friends it is because they want to know a little bit about what makes me happy, keeps me ticking or makes me laugh.

This putting down of others seems to be very common. I think the reason is most people see Facebook as a place to share every little thought that goes through their minds. I can accept that we see things differently, but if you are a constant bullying energy, I am hiding your posts or unfriending you.

So when do things go from sharing your feelings to bullying? It is very simple. Let me give you an example. I had one friend a few weeks ago that thought the first Sunday of football was frivolous when the country is facing a tumultuous political time.

This could be shared in a personal way: “I just can't get excited about football because I find the political challenges our country is facing too distracting.”

See how that is just about you? I like to read that because I learn a little about your thoughts and feelings and even though they are different than mine, I am happy to read it.

Or you can share in a bullying way: “I think it is disgusting that people want to watch football when there are bigger issues to worry about.”

With that second post you just attacked every one of your Facebook friends that does like football. Whether you meant to or not, you just made a flicker of guilt cross their minds. You placed yourself as being better than them and even if it was fleeting, they felt worse than you. That is bullying. Making yourself feel better by making others feel worse.

We get very caught up in free speech, but it is very easy to hurt others along the way. I put a lot of effort into sending positive energy out on my Facebook page. I think it is far better to post a shallow, “I love my iPhone!” status than to post, “I hate people who...” I encourage you to start thinking before you post. Are you saying something in a way that is meant to hurt people with different opinions? Then fix before you hit send. It is awfully hard to teach our children kindness, empathy and friendship when we as adults are spending our social media time insulting each other!

I'm back!

So I started this blog, and posted fairly regularly for about 2 months. Then I wandered away and never looked back. Lately however, I have had an increasing number of situations that make me want to scream on my Facebook wall and I remind myself that that is not the place for my rants. This is the place!

When I started this almost 2 years ago, I intended to keep my topics of a political nature. Since then I have grown in the number of things I want to talk about. Sometimes I will be voicing specific opinions other times I might be trying to sort out my opinions from a big sea of confusion.

One of my hopes for this blog is that I get people talking, or at least thinking. If you say to even one person, "I read my friend's blog and she had this ridiculous opinion!" then I am happy because a conversation will start, and I think we, as Americans, are starting to lose the skill of educated conversation. Too quickly we jump to "If I am right, then someone must be wrong." But who is to say there is not a middle ground? You will never find this middle ground if you never converse! Let's get talking!

Continue thinking for yourself,
Jen